오늘 아침에 카페에서. 어저께 축제에서. 나에게 먼저 말걸어주고 와줘서 고마워. 챙겨주고 따뜻한 말 해줘서 고마워.

내가 힘들때 항상 옆에 있어줬던 언니. 진짜 고마워. 항상 내편이 되어주었던 언니, 너무 고마워.

내 첫번째 룸매. 나의 잘못과 오해로 인해서 사이가 멀어진 친구. 어떡하지. 어떡할까. 고치려고 노력할까. 메시지… 써야겠다. 작성할거야. 그때랑 너무 많은 것이 바뀌었네. 너무 많이 바뀌었어. 너무 많이 변했어. 우리 둘 다 많이 변했겠지.

언제 밥 먹기로 한 친구들. 연락할께. 이번학기 끝나기 전에 꼭 만나서 같이 밥먹자. 내 고마운 친구들. 진짜 고마운 친구들.

그리고 어떻게 친해졌는지 아직도 신기하지만, 너무 좋은 친구가 되어줘서 진짜 고마워.

I’m curious and confused. Not only about the movie. But about who I watched it with. He is a good friend of mine. Before the movie started, he caught a glimpse of the background picture on my phone, for the second time since the last time he saw it at the other place. And then… during the movie, when he was talking to me, he tapped on my thigh. Well, I guess there is really nowhere else to tap. And after the movie, walking back, he asked me whether that’s a big secret, or what my secret was. And then he said I knew what he was talking about. I had an inkling, but I was unaware that he still remembered my background photo. He had asked me whether it was a celebrity, and I had said no. He asked me whether the person was close to me. Well, kind of. It depends on how you define close. He’s seen me naked, I’ve seen him naked. He’s the person I’m going to lose my virginity to the coming summer, before my birthday. Or, now that I think about it, maybe on my birthday. Anyways, I told him what it should be a secret, and he said he was asking me whether it was, not assuming that it was a secret. I said neither yes nor no, and said it was complicated and that I would explain it to him later when we both had more time. To which he said he regrets that we didn’t have much time to talk with each other. And that we should talk sometime. And he said he felt bad, and didn’t explain to me why until later when he said, when he told me, that he felt like he didn’t take a good care of me as a friend… We had been making a lot of eye contacts, and then he said he would message or call me, and we went our own ways. What does the photo have to do with him feeling bad about not being a nice friend. He also said that also I have a lot of friends, he felt bad that he wasn’t taking a good care of me. And earlier, he said that overcoming obstacles is necessary and that he doesn’t feel good that I’m taking meds. And that I need to take meds to feel better. But anyways. yeah. I don’t know what to feel. It really seems he cares about me, watching the movie with me, and saying there is another movie that he would like to watch with me, but I’m confused. I don’t get why the my phone background picture stayed in his mind, and why he bothered to remember it. We talked more about the photo and us than the movie itself.

Be open to listening to other people’s interpretations. Be open to thinking about their ideas, before saying mine. Share ideas, not impose mine on them, give a thought as well as doubt to everything and ponder everything deeply.

The girl in my class who approached me at the reg and asked me a question. She was really friendly. It was a gesture of friendship, I think. She’s so nice, and I want to be friends with her. I appreciate how people want to be friends with me, or at least they seem to have a good impression of me.