Why do I have friends? Why do I make friends? The term “use” has a lot of negative connotations attached to it. Was I trying to use him, for my own benefit? Did I want him to come with me, to be with me so that I can make new friends, get to know more people, which would be awkward to do alone? What is my goal in forming relationship with people? In making friends? Why do I want to expand my acquaintances? For immediate gratification? It’s what he brought up today. Immediate gratification versus a long-term gratification. Long-term, I would be happier with my friends, with my close friends. Long, long term, I would be lonely, old, and alone. Why do I compulsively, impulsively want to get to know more people who share this common trait? And why do I want to use him to do that? I feel comfortable around certain people, and I want to make these people, help them feel comfortable around me. He was serious yesterday, and he was serious today when he sent me that message. Sometimes he gets serious and makes serious comments, and I’m glad I’m sharing those moments with him. I’m glad that he, while being aware of those values, respect how things work here. How he respects me for who I am. I have a friend, I can say that I have a friend. I have him, and I can rely on him, and I can trust him, which I can’t do with some other people. I can trust her as well. I can trust her. I can talk with her about anything and everything. I really really really do like her. If I think about something really good happening to her, or to him, am I happy? Do I feel happy? Do I like them because they are at a worse state than I am? Will I feel envious, jealous when good things happen to them? When they are better off? Why do I want to get to know other people? Why do I want these meaningful relationships? Why… why? What is so particular about these relationships that I like? Deep, honest interactions? Interactions not based on societal restrictions? I guess I am comfortable building relationships with people in that world. Because we both know what the other person’s aim is, what his goal is. What he wants out of this relationship. We are both vulnerable people. We both want communication, understanding, and gratification, satisfaction. It’s instinctive, simple, and pure. It’s very straightforward. Whereas things get more complicated in real life. What do we all want in the end? What’s the purpose of social relationship? Why do we feel happy when we see certain people, and why do we want to avoid seeing certain people? Jealousy still existed in the past. How I feel about him now, or even how I felt about certain people in the past, it all doesn’t matter anymore, does it? It’s all in the past. They don’t spend much time thinking about me. The present is important. The present is really important. Good relationships stay in mind. They stay in your memory. Getting to a comfortable level with a certain person is much preferable to feeling jealous about other people who seem close with that person. Being direct and honest. It’s OK. Be honest in the future. Be honest with other people. That doesn’t mean I need to share everything about me with them. That doesn’t mean I need to know everything about them either. Interactions, even if they are people who are very different from me, getting to know them, and getting their input is good. It’s really good. We all learn together, we live together, we depend on each other, we depend on people from other generations. We don’t each build our own world and compete who’s world is the best. And in the process, we try to make life better for other people. We try to make the lives of those around us better.